But, seriously, there are some folks who think that I should write about my experiences as an actor and especially, especially as an actor/mommy/wife.
I'm gonna start gently as an actor and actor/mommy and will probably add some wifey things unintentionally. Out of respect for my husband who has no idea that I'm even blogging, I will try hard not to reveal anything he may not want known. New entry on top of to-do list: tell hubby I'm blogging. My daughter, she's 3. She can sue me when she's an adult or put me in a really crummy home.
So, yeah, let me tell you a really crappy story about my daughter which is actually quite relevant to acting. When I say crappy, I'm being literal.
Lady J, that's one of my many nicknames for her, is learning how to wipe her own bottom when she does number two. I sit on the edge of the bathtub and "supervise" this process.
Acting reminder to self: Don't forget the build up. The audience needs the setup as much as the payoff. You rush through the setup the joke doesn't land. You whisk past the plot points the gravitas of the crash is weakened.
Lady J has no concept of time. As I sit there acting patient but waiting anxiously for her to attempt to wipe her malodorous bottom, she eyeballs me while she rolls tissue off the roll. First too much, so she has to roll it back, then too little so she pulls off a piece that would just get a mouse clean. She wants to use that tiny piece. I stop her just in time.
Nice little fake out in the setup. I like.
Finally, tissue wadded she starts to wipe. She removes her hand but leaves the tissue in her behind. Smiles and claims she's a chef.
I'll give you a moment to read that again. Go ahead. I'll wait................................................................................
I ask her calmly, "A chef?" Acting appreciation: Thank you, Lady J, for these wonderful acting exercises. When you need to hide something or lie to someone just do it. You don't need to play the circumstances for the audience. They just heard her say "I'm a chef" with tissue up her butt. If your objective is to protect her incredible, imaginative, bubble and uncover more and you do so by smothering the desire to holla "What the fuck?!?" do that. Do that. The work of the bizarreness of the given circumstances has been done. No need to redo it, just live in it.
"A chef?" She affirms. I calmly ask her again and also inquire if she knows what a chef is? She twists her head to glance at her bottom and says, "I'm a bunny."
Acting note: Yep. Sometimes the script doesn't make sense. When completely befuddled, try just doing it simply, with complete unforced confidence. I have a piece of tissue in my stinky behind because I'm a chef, no wait, I'm a bunny. If Lady J can do it. I can do it too.
Ok, folks, or folk, or whoever has lasted this long to read this. I gotta go. There is much, much more to this story. I leave you in great anticipation......what happens next???
Does a cliffhanger make this a terrible first blog? Sorry, mommy gets 1 quick break four times a week when the J is in preschool. I can't use it all here. I gotta go be an actress, a chef (ha ha), a laundress, a business tycoon (really ha ha), and a few other titles.
So, this is blogging........hm.....I may try it again. Ya think?